WHY ME?

The teacher elaborated on some theory in physics as I sat dreaming on my seat. It was a good dream I suppose in which I sang for 50000 screaming fans. Suddenly I was violently shaken up from my dream by that glass shattering voice "Manoj, can you repeat the last sentence I said?". "Yes Mam, you just said ‘Manoj can you repeat the last sentence I said’" I replied with as much innocence as I could fake with a face like mine. No matter how I tried to convince her that this indeed was the last sentence that she had uttered but she wouldn’t listen. Needless to say I was thrown out of the class to face the humiliation as every passer by looked at me with suspicion. Now, to an inveterate optimist it might look like something that happens to every kid in the school. But he couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m sure that there were other kids who were as ignorant on the subject as I was but, it was only I who had to bear the wrath of the teacher. In 10 yrs. of my schooling I spent more time standing or kneeling down in the corridors of the school than in the class. "WHY ME?" You might think I’m crazy when I say this but there is a big strategy being planned against me. I’m certain that all the forces, natural as well as super-natural are hand in hand to get me.

To a cynic I might sound like an acute case of Paranoia, but please I’m not paranoid. I can give you ample proof and cite enough examples to support my conviction. A very simple example. Its rainy season in Mumbai and I have been carrying my umbrella and have been wearing my rainy shoes (which I hate wearing) every day for days but there is not a drop in the air. So one day when the sky is clear and the sun shining brightest, I leave my umbrella behind and wear my best leather shoes. And does it pour? Of course it does. You can imagine how I felt when I saw everyone else walking comfortably under the benevolent protection of their umbrellas whereas I looked like a walking water tank. Can someone tell me "WHY ME ?"

Listen to this one. I’m enjoying myself having a drink at a disco. Good music, good crowd and high spirits. I start to feel good when suddenly this gorgeous looking babe falls right into my lap. Soon we are chatting like old friends with me radiating my charm from every inch of my body and she giggling at my silly jokes. Soon we find ourselves at the dance floor shaking and swinging our respective bodies. I’m almost lost in her big brown eyes when I sense something fishy. I notice that she is throwing an occasional glance at this guy sitting at the other end of the bar. After a while this guy joins the floor with another girl and starts dancing right on my toe. Also he is swinging his hands and shaking his feet with such a dexterity that they somehow make their way right into my stomach and to my ankles. I can’t take this any more after a while and ask my girl what the heck was happening. "Oh, he is my boy friend. I wanted to settle a score with him" she whispers in my ears. The innocence and the giggle that was driving me mad just a while ago drives me completely mad now. "Thanks for helping me, you really are a very nice guy" she whispers in my ears as she walks right back to her boy friend. I drag myself back to my table hurling silent abuses at everyone involved in this game plan to make a complete ass of me. "WHY ME? WHY ON EARTH ME?"

This one should remove all your doubts if you still have any. On a beautiful sunny morning after a good night’s sleep I’m feeling fresh like a fresh tomato. So after having a good bath and having dressed in my clean and neatly ironed cloths I step out of my house whistling to myself. I must have walked some distance when ‘splaaash’. There flies that stupid crow right above my head after relieving himself on my shoulder. Now, to a non-technical person it might just be an accident that can happen to anyone. But, for those of you who have studied the laws of probability in your school, you can calculate that the probability of me being at a particular spot at a particular time below that particular blasting crow answering to nature’s call at that particular instant is quite negligible. But, it happened. "WHY ME?" Yes, you got it right. STRATEGY! A BIG, WELL PLANNED and NEATLY LAID OUT STRATEGY!

I buy a pair of jeans and the next day I find the similar pair at 50% off at the very next shop. I buy some electronic goods which works fine for a while but refuses to operate the day after the warranty period expires. I look at the phone expectantly all day to hear the sweet sound of its ring but no, the damn thing is as silent as a dead crow. It waits till I’m in the bath all covered with soap from head to toe and then it shrieks like an owl. I’m sure that my maid, the garbage fellow the milk-man etc. they all wait at my door for me to get into the toilet or bath before pressing the door-bell. I can go on. Day after day I can feel the noose tightening around my neck. I can feel people talking behind my back and discussing their next move. I can see the world closing in on me. Everything and everyone is out there to get me. Hello! Now listen to me all you guys and YOU up there. Enough of this. Why don’t you just leave me alone and pick on someone else? At least please tell me "WHY ME?"